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nightmares and such. [03 Dec 2003|11:06pm]

[ mood | thankful ]

It was as though I was watching it happen. I stood there and no one could see me. she searched for him, he was supposed to be there, but he wasn't. I felt what she felt, I couldn't understand why. I knew her somehow, she was all too familiar. She was nervous, which made me nervous. He showed up to her surprise, this made her ecstatic. "Where did you go?" she asked him. "I was looking for you ☺" he replied, "I love you so much." she held him tight so she wouldn't lose sight of him again. She loved him greatly and I felt it too...

..then he disappeard.

She searched for him once more. I still felt what she felt. She felt lost and alone. She walked into a building that was very familiar to her, I followed her, she knew somehow she would find him in there. As I followed her into the building I knew she saw him, the happyness she felt was a feeling so strong, I never knew a feeling like this before. She saw him go behind a wall so she ran twards it hoping to wrap her arms around him again. Visons appeared in my head. The images brought me so much hope of being with this one person forthe rest of my life. Why did I appear in this image? I began to notice her. I knew she looked familiar, I knew her all to well. I looked at her face once more. What I saw I could not believe, It was me.

I got closer to the wall. I turned to the otherside and there he was, but not with me. I saw the look on my face. It was as though I died right then and there. the pain was unbareable. I fell back into my body. I tried to move, it took everything I had in me to make it out of the building. The images in my head before broke into peices, along with my heart. The pain ran through my veins like venom, it poisoned my ability to feel anything other than pain. Tears ran down my cheek, and just as he was chased after me..

I woke up.

2 broken hearts plomise to LOVE me forever...

a whisper [02 Dec 2003|07:55pm]

I felt his stare from across the room.

He watched as I moved around.

He could not care less.

He made me feel love. He made me love him.

He never knew love.
He ONLY knew what he wanted.

I told myself I knew better. I held together strong. Little did I know, I was weak to his deep, blue eyes.

How dare he.
Am I at fault?

I see him now from time to time. I see him with many others. I want to tell them. I want them to know.

but alas, I do nothing.

I am weak.
2 broken hearts plomise to LOVE me forever...

[01 Dec 2003|03:55pm]

so growing up, you never quite fit in with the other kids. they liked to tease you, and you had hardly any friends. until one year, you meet this crazy great person, who you get along with and do everything with. everyday you would play together at school, every night you'd talk on the phone. middle school starts, new friends are made but you still find time for each other. but then the calling everyday, turns to calling every week. and then "call me back later". and then during the summer, with no warning whatsoever, they move away and you never see them again.
so you become bitterly lonely once again, only it feels worse this time because now you know what it was like to have a best friend. you start resenting everyone, feeling stabs of jelousy when you see friends together. you start doing weird things for attention. kids start making fun of you again. you meet more friends, but no one is quite the same. one of these new friends had gone on a trip to new york, and discovered "underground" culture. they came to school one day wearing a trench coat, and all of a sudden, the kids leave her alone. this of course is like discovering uranium, so we all dress that way. pretty soon everyday is black lipstick, heavy eyeliner, and spikey jewelry. it's nice to be left alone, but you still dont feel right, like school is just for dress up. then you get kazaa, and discover music. you start listening to everything, and you find bands with people like you in them. you start wearing your sisters old sweaters. mixmatching clothes so you sort of remind yourself of grandma. you discover you need glasses, you find the female version of "buddy holly" glasses. you like to cry yourself to sleep in the dark.

so hello, my name is kelsey.
4 broken hearts plomise to LOVE me forever...

Foreward... [10 Oct 2003|12:20am]

[ mood | tired ]

IN THE BEGINING... there was god. But you're emo so you don't believe in god. Actually, you do, and thats what/who you blame for all the tourment that has gone on in your life. All the the ridicule, for everyone thinking you're a "freak", For being alive.

You are Isolated, not by choice, but you tell people that you are. You resent the incrowd for never accepting you. You turn the tables around (in your mind) and tell yourself that you do not accept them. You are constantly reminded of how you've been treated, the bad childhood memories keep playing over and over in your head. You want revenge. You are angry. You listen to metal.

A year later, you have it in your head that you are your own person, filled with crazy ideals and anti-capitolism. You start listening to the vandals and the sex pistols. You have rebelled against your parents, smoke pot, and cut your hair into a mohawk, and you accuse society for labeling you as a "PUNK" even though you claim your punk rock status, so why argue? you think you are fighting an important cause, when in reality you're just screaming about nothing that can really be fixed.

6 months later you lose all self respect and confidence because NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK! You feel alone and no one wants to date you because you the smell of going without showering for 6 months still has not worn off. You are depressed but you swear up and down that no one has the same problems you do. You go on medication, pick up an acoustic guitar, and you cry. Everyday you whine, bitch and moan because nothing is perfect, you hate everything, and the only people you can relate to are Conor Oberst, Tim Kasher, Kris Roe and Chris Carrabba (before either of their bands made it big), and of course, Rivers Cuomo. All of a sudden you're wearing vintage shirts that say "JFK highschool reunion", your jeans are tighter, your chuck taylors are cleaner, and you wear thick black framed glasses like the ones your grandpa wore, still wears. It's cool to not be cool and many follow down your path. You don't smoke, drink, or do drugs, because sXe is the new trend. You finally feel like this is you. This is who you are. This makes you cry once more because you still can't get the girl you want and no one understands you. All the HxC kids give you a hard time and they call you LxC. After everything you've changed about yourself, you will forever be the same person. Now you really don't believe in god.

after all that rambling...

give us your emo stories. I won't lie, we'll laugh, but thats what we do. and you can do it TOO!

8 broken hearts plomise to LOVE me forever...

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